Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
