genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
