I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
