I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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