I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Randomize
