You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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