Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
