I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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