i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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