I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
