There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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