My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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