Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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