Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
