Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
