just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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