R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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