Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
