it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
