My cat gives me a boner
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
