either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
