we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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