I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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