I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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