he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
