Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
