Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
