i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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