guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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