What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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