she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
