i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
