the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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