So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
