That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
