I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
