Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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