My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
