Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
