Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
