I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
