Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
