She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You are the jesus of drinking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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