The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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