ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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