so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
