yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
