The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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