So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
