How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
