no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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