like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
