I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
