Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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