i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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