Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
