i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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