Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
