Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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