Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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