farters have to be the big spoon...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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