I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
