john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
try to milk me bitch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
