The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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