it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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