I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
