This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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