Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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