I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
