If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
