Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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