i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Your cock deserves a montage
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Panties = found
Randomize
