my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
