haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
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i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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