About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
