Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
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