i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
