time to smoke my breakfast
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
