Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
