Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
