i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
