it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
