and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
