Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
